I Don't Want a Compliment Sandwich

To be criticized is to be noticed. As a Stanford student, I realize it’s almost an excuse or “get out of jail free card” for any type of mistake, ignorance, or apathy I may make or have. If I say I don’t understand something, or if I have some humility and call myself stupid (a joke or not), people are quick to respond: “But you go to Stanford, you have to be smart”. I even get “You’re just humble”. Yet, day by day, hour by hour, I further believe I am a mere personality hire.

I am eternally grateful for the privilege that the word “Stanford” has brought to my life. Sure, it doesn’t really help me get internships in ways I’d hoped, but the social stigma surrounding attending an elite school earns you a sense of respect that I’ve rarely seen anywhere else. The raised eyebrows, the sudden perk of the ears; people seem to care about what I have to say. I know this, because high-school me WAS this. I don’t believe I deserve this type of respect, as I believe I’m not that smart. (I also think I have used the semi-colon incorrectly in the previous sentence, a skill that should be learned in the fifth grade). I’ve noticed people are apprehensive about arguing with me or proving me wrong, which is sad, because oftentimes I have no idea what I am talking about.

Yesterday, I had a breath of fresh air. I was called dumb by an Oxford professor much, much smarter than I. He didn’t use the word dumb, but let me list you some of things he said:

“It is unhealthy that you’re having trouble understanding these readings because frankly, they’re not very hard”

“Your arguments are incoherent and the bias you have shines through in what you say- this is not good.”

“You always start speaking with an okay argument, and then you add a terrible anecdote, thus weakening your entire argument -fix this”

Initially, I was a bit distraught. I even caught my brain consoling myself, “I go to Stanford, I’m not dumb”. I started to hate this guy, but the reason I did was that he was telling me the truth. Something I NEEDED and WANTED to hear. For the first time in a long time, I was told I was wrong. I was told I could learn to be BETTER. I’ve noticed I’ve always loved criticism. I want you to tell me what I can do be a better friend, student, mentee, or job applicant. I think its a shame that people don’t criticize more.

A reason I believe the typical “middle-school experience” is so pivotal is because people are constantly criticizing you. People you don’t even know! Yet, I believe we all become better people. You learn you can’t betray your classmate by creating a competing slime business, since you’ll be held accountable (You won’t be invited to their birthday party). You learn how to become a young adult.

Ultimately, I want to reach my potential, and the only way to do that is to be held accountable and criticized. It’s much easier to write someone off as “smart”, and thus neglect what they can do to improve. To criticize takes effort, and it takes guts. No one likes being the bearer of bad news. Yet, to be criticized is to be noticed. Someone cares enough to tell you that they think you could be better, that you could fulfill more of your potential. That’s why I love my best friends. Because they care enough about me to tell me that I sometimes chew funny (thanks, Hubert), or that I could write better cold emails (thanks, Jacob), or that I need to let loose more (agreed, Isa + Anika). I frequently discuss how I can be a better friend (Hi Miles)

So, please feel free to criticize me. I want to know how to be better, and I want to fulfill my potential; I know we will both walk away better from it.

That is all.

Anna Roth