I Don't Want to See the Northern Lights
Ever since I was five years old, I've wanted to see the Northern Lights. Something about the magical aura and mix of beautiful colors among the night sky has fascinated me. They are rare and magical - they represent, quite literally, the definition of aura (or aurora borealis if you want to get technical). However, as I've gotten older and traveled to Sweden, Norway, Denmark, and other countries near and within the aurora oval where these wisps of whimsy are most visible, I've been against viewing them.
I've been grateful and privileged enough to be raised by amazing parents with a passion for travel. I've been to over 40 countries, and have seen sights that most people will only gaze at through postcards. From hot-air ballooning in Bagan, Myanmar, over the most breath-taking Pagodas, to hot-air ballooning in Luxor, Egypt, over the Valley of the Kings, I've crossed off bucket list items most people haven't even thought of. I owe all these experiences to my parents and their ambition to provide the best possible experience for my sister and I.
Hot Air Ballooning (If that is a verb) in Egypt - December 2025
Yet, there's one thing that I haven't done. Something I've begged my parents to see, to experience in the flesh, instead of on the screensaver of YouTube videos labeled "Ambient Sounds 10 Hour Loop - Fall Asleep Quickly". This was to see the Northern Lights. I've realized I've unknowingly made this a life goal ever since I saw a photo of this scientific phenomenon in a picture book at 5 years old. My life goal 14 years ago was to see the Northern Lights, and it's my life goal now.
I was very close. Too close. Studying abroad at Oxford, many of my friends suggested going to see the Northern Lights near Tromso in February. Although this plan fell through (like many others, sorry Anya), secretly, I was delighted. Because it meant that I would have to wait. You see, once I realized that my goal was to see the Northern Lights, I've never really worked very hard to reach it. I would even go as far as to say I worked to avoid it.
I want to DESERVE to view the Northern Lights, to reach my goal. I want to fund the trip myself, not on my parents' dime; I want to be the one to take them on a vacation. I want to pay them back in experience for what they have done countless times for me. I want to study hard, work hard, and eventually, play hard (chill in an Igloo or something). I want to enjoy the journey and feel the relaxation wash over my chest as I watch the colors dance over the snow. Who knows, maybe Ambient Sounds 10 Hour Loop will play in my headphones as I stare into the night sky.
I like the idea that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, a final hurrah I can create for myself. As I live my life and go through tough times, I find myself thinking - "but you haven't seen the Northern Lights yet", and it gives me the little bit of motivation needed to keep moving. Frankly, I'm obsessed with the Northern Lights because I've decided that it has been my lifetime goal - what's to happen when it's reached? It's a keen "I made it" moment I want to complete. However, it's not the only one. Here are some others that I hope to live through one day:
- Watching the sunset through the window of my first apartment
- Watching my husband teach our kids how to ride a bike
- Surprising my parents with something big they would never get for themselves
- Gossiping with my sister as we watch our kids at the beach, eating ice cream
- Paying for dinner in ten years' time with my best friends, where I tell them "order anything you want" and not caring a single bit about the price, knowing it will be very expensive
I also think it's important to look back. Here are my "I made it" moments I've had so far:
- Thanking my family in Korean during my graduation speech as Valedictorian
- Getting into college and the next day hearing someone whisper in the hallway without knowledge of my presence: "Did you hear she got into Yale?"
- Feeling the breeze in my hair on a random Wednesday as I bike down Jane Stanford Way with a beautiful sunset
So, yes, I'm a little bit scared about seeing the Northern Lights, because it means my life goal has been reached. But as I wrote this, I realized I have so many life goals; most of them are not nearly as performative, but just as impactful. I hope to see the Northern Lights one day, the same way I hope to marry the love of my life. It's something that I manifest as bound to happen, but I don't think I'm ready yet. There's life to be lived, sadness to be felt, and triumphs to be rewarded. Who knows, every year the Northern Lights can be spotted in the most random of places (even Stanford!). Maybe it will catch me off guard, and my life goal will be accidentally reached. I guess I'll just have to make a new one (I've heard scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef is marvelous!)